I'm having a bit of trouble with a fight/action scene in my book? Does this scene sound 'natural'?

I tend to agree with "old lady" that you might improve the scene by showing rather then telling the reader what is happening. However, I did not find it difficult to follow the action or keep the characters straight. You seem to be on the right track and should worry less about if it is working--it is--and work more on involving the reader in the action. Go for it.