Saturday, January 14, 2012

I need help with my life.....? (very long)?

I'm only 14 years old (soon to be 15 this year). My day usually starts with me waking up at 6:30-7am. I get out of bed get ready for school, get to the bus. I live in Canada so in the winters it can get to minus 20 here and the bus stop is about a five minute walk. I have 4 cles in school (in order) Math, I like it the teacher makes it fun, French, the only cl I'm having trouble in this semester so far. I used to be in an all french cl (4 years ago) but since then I've forgotten all I know about french verbs, so I think I might fail this cl, I really don't want to take french anymore but my mom and dad say that I need a french credit to get a good job. Them there's english, not doing too shabby if I say so. And then there's Art, I love this cl. for the past 2 years or so I've had very little motivation to do anything involving work. My parents are nice and don't give me too much to do, but I always feel stressed out and alone. I live in our basement and don't come upstairs to say hello, as of recently I have a crush on this girl and am trying to get the courage to ask her out, unfortunately though I'm not a very social person, my grammar sucks, and I don't feel like I'm very smart as I seem to lack motivation to do work and as such get bad grades in cles. My teachers and parents tell me I'm a smart person, but recently I don't know if they're just saying that or what. But back to my daily routine. After school I come home and go to my room look up stuff on the internet. I feel like the internet is the best teacher I will ever meet. I learn so much better through watching/reading/experiencing things on the internet or on my own. I really hate homework and feel as though I"m just wasting my time doing it. I skipped school today because I had a feeling in my gut that told me I shouldn't really go. I'm not into drugs, I don't smoke, drink, or do anything like that. Sometimes I feel like I can never be alone. If I'm feeling overwhelmed things (from school or home) I might end up skipping. Nowadays I'm only really happy when I play video games, sure I can be happy with my family, but we never do things I would like to. I want to have a good life but I don't want to work super hard for everything. I've noticed that if you work really hard for everything in life and get a good education, that these people end up having a bad relationship with there family. And if you didn't work hard in life and didn't get a good job and education the you want to be the businessman. My parent, teacher, and people on this site say to just grow up. But it's so hard to do things that just feel so SOd to achieve. I'm too shy to ask this girl out, I'm not motivated enough to do work, and I feel like my life is falling apart. Again I'm not pushed hard to work 24hrs a day, but I want to enjoy my life while I still can as I hear of people doing so much work when they were in school but just want to be a kid again. I don't want to make that mistake. But I also want to have a good life when I'm grown up. If you guys could offer me some general advice to help me through these dark days that would be good.

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